Month: Mar 2019

A Different Approach to Parenting

Parenting

I have just read an article which I’ve had saved on my Facebook account for about a week (We all know how difficult it is to get around to these things!) – An interview with the psychotherapist Philippa Perry (who is also married to the rather brilliant artist, Grayson Perry) about her new book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did). I felt compelled to share it with you all (just click on the book title to be taken magically to the article), as it really resonated with me. I am sure some of you other parents will also feel the same way when you read the interview. In fact, the interviewer herself, Robyn Wilder, draws upon her own very personal experiences as a child and a mother.

As a mother who is sometimes, or often if I’m being really honest, lacking in enthusiasm to engage with my children, this article really struck a chord. She is completely right, of course, and I know that I have some work to do to make sure that my boys don’t grow up to be depressed, anxious and, well, like me. Although, saying that, I read the article aloud to my mother, and she only commented on the fact that she never drank coffee (See the article for context)! The truth is that my mum gave her all to us when we were growing up, and put us before everything else, yet I still came into adulthood having bouts of depression and anxiety.

During the parenting journey, we probably don’t realise that the things we do and say can have such an incredible impact on our children. Perhaps we don’t realise until it’s too late. But, what Philippa Perry says is not to fret. We all make mistakes, we are all ‘bad parents’. Even the parents we think have it all sussed out have failed now and then. Sometimes, even on our really off days, we can still succeed. In this day and age of alternative parenting techniques, often written by people who don’t have children, this is a refreshing and rather logical book of ‘advice’ coming from a psychotherapist who has been working with people with depression, anxiety and other mental health issues, as well as being a mother herself. Needless to say, I immediately followed the link to buy the book only to find out that it is currently not available. I hope that means that Philippa Perry has completely sold out and is now waiting for more books to be printed!

If you can, grab yourself a copy. I think it will be an interesting read for any parent and very different from the usual parenting advice books. If any of you have any other recommendations like this book, do let me know in the comments section of this post. I’d love to hear from you. Thanks!

Have a good week, followers and chums,

Not So Goldilocks xxx

What has NSG been up to this week?

Parenting

Hello followers! How are you all? I hope you’re having a good week, whether it is raining, windy, sunny, or all of the above.

It has been an interesting week in NSG Towers. Khaya turned a magnificent FOUR on Monday, and we took a rather brilliant trip to Hamley’s on Regent Street in order for him to choose his birthday present. We also promised Nathi an ‘unbirthday present’, which is a tradition in my family. Here are some of the highlights:

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We have also been busy seeing family, and making Baba Bear feel comfortable in his London home after being away for over a year.

Mama has been on a bit of a fundraising jolly, having raised over and above my goal for Ovacome through my birthday fundraiser. We now have an active family fundraiser for Comic Relief through JustGiving, which went live this evening. The boys took part in a cake sale at their nursery today, and we will all be tuning in to the Comic Relief live show on BBC1 tomorrow evening.

I was also very moved by the awful Ethiopian Airways plane crash this week. It was, quite frankly, way too close to home. Not only have we used that airline, and possibly that very aircraft, in the past, but my partner told me that he could have been on that flight if he’d decided to stay in Ethiopia a little longer for a work launch. He said that he would have flown any route to get him back to the UK that didn’t cost the earth, which very well may have included flying from Addis Ababa to Nairobi for a connecting flight. I can’t imagine what the families of those poor victims are going through right now. My thoughts are with them.

I have ordered more merchandise for my company, just for me, and have been working on a business plan to find out what I can do next. What kind of journey will this venture take me on? I never saw myself as someone who would need to know anything about business, but perhaps this is what I was meant to do after all.

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I am currently halfway through my amazing Start Writing Fiction course, which I signed up for through FutureLearn. It is free, and it is run by the Open University. I am really enjoying it, and am getting lots of interesting and useful guidance for my fiction writing. And, did I mention, IT’S FREE! I urge you to go to their site and see if there is a course for you. I bet there will be. Here you go: https://www.futurelearn.com/.

And now, we are gearing up for our friends at Two Gents’ production of The Importance of Being Earnest at Tara Arts Theatre in Earlsfield, SW18, which closes on Saturday night. If you’re local and fancy a night out, please book your tickets here. It’s a two-hander, both females, and should be a very interesting and entertaining night of theatre!

So, I hope everyone has a great weekend, and please donate anything you can to our Comic Relief fundraiser over on JustGiving. It all goes to the people who need it the most and, as much as I believe that this shouldn’t be how the world is in 2019, every little will help. Thank you, and goodnight.

NSG xxx

PS. I learned a little lesson in reblogging today, and how not to do it. I reposted a lovely post that I had enjoyed by another blogger on WordPress, but hadn’t made it clear enough that it wasn’t my own post… Needless to say, I had a concerned friend contact me by text about it, so immediately took it down again. Huge apologies to the blogger who wrote the original post – I am still learning!

Red Nose Day fundraising

Parenting

Hello lovely followers!

Please follow the link below to donate whatever you can to Comic Relief through our JustGiving page. We, as a family, are aiming to get to £200, and every penny you donate will be put towards helping those in need.

Thank you,

NSG xxx

http://www.justgiving.com/not-so-goldilocks-and-her-three-fundraising-bears?utm_id=124

International Women’s Day

Parenting

Not that we need a particular day to celebrate the amazing women in this world, but it’s always nice to focus our attention to some of the influences we have as women.

This past year or so has been rather monumental with the #MeToo movement (which also included men, of course), and awards/nominations/elections being fairer between men and women. Things are beginning to change, and it’s about bloody time, too! I have always thought about how women have been treated in the past and the present. The sexual innuendoes, harrassment, and the general feeling that men are naturally born to treat women in such a derogatory manner. What gets forgotten is that, without women, there would be no men! There would be nobody. I would LOVE to see a man in childbirth. I would love to see many of the tables turned to show men how difficult it is to be female sometimes. The pressures, the pains, the constant battle to be recognised as an equal in business, the notion that we are objects of attraction, or should be, and the inability to control what happens to our bodies sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I know men have pressures and pains of their own (I, for one, would not like to know what it feels like to be kicked in the balls), and I think women are generally sensitive to those things, but it doesn’t seem to work so well the other way around. I KNOW I am generalising like crazy, so I apologise to any men or women who disagree with what I am saying. I suppose you never really know something until you experience it for yourself, so we are never going to be able to truly get men to understand that getting pregnant and having a child, or an abortion, has extreme emotional and physical effects on our bodies and minds.

Anyway, enough of the rant. What I really wanted to write about today are the wonderful women who I have been following online, and who have all played a part in influencing me and my writing, and my confidence. Here is my guide to the best women online at the moment, and why…

Sarah Turner AKA The Unmumsy Mum

Sarah Turner has been a huge influence on me (Not that I’ve had the guts to tell her that yet!). I received a copy of her first book, The Unmumsy Mum, on my first birthday as a Mama. It got me through some really tough times in those early days, and I was so relieved to see that I was not alone in feeling crappy sometimes. Sarah made it feel totally normal, and even quite funny, to go through those harder times. She has an amazing way with words, and is not afraid to tell it like it is. Every post of hers makes me laugh. She is mama to three boys, and is about to release her third book, which is on my preorder list! If you haven’t already seen her online, find her, and enjoy.

Giovanna Fletcher

This mama has done so much. Not only has she had three babies (also three boys!), she’s written books, she is an ambassador for charities, broadcasts her own podcasts, as well as vlogging and posting photos and videos on social media every day. I can honestly say that she is my mummy goal! I remember when I was in a CBT session last year, my counsellor asked me who I think is the perfect mum, and I immediately said ‘Giovanna Fletcher’. She’s an inspiration to all mamas, and I think she has completely nailed it.

Sarah Gynn AKA The Crafty Wintonian

I have a bias here, as Sarah is my wonderful cousin. But, she still kicks ass. I have been so proud of what she has achieved (Again, but I’m too chicken to tell her to her face!), and under the circumstances she has had to go through over the past few years. Sarah has two children, and decided a while ago to do something she really wanted to do – Launch a website and a business that teaches others how to crochet, knit and do other wonderful (and rather useful) crafty things through workshops across Hampshire and the surrounding area. For her, it was a way to ease issues with mental health, and she wanted to help others to get the same benefits. She also makes items and sells them at craft fairs. Her website is awesome, please check it out and, if you can, go to one of her workshops! She is a teacher by trade, so she knows her stuff.

Tova Leigh

Another mummy who just seems to have done so much! I admire her bravery, her attitude towards motherhood and her ‘mum-bod’. She’s funny, she’s bold, and she has an amazing smile. She also has a podcast, and regularly uploads videos, sometimes live. She has been through some tough times, and is a real influence to all mamas who have struggled. I suggest you check her out on social media (She’s on all platforms)!

Ellie Russell – CWP Consultant

OK, biased again, as this is my other wonderful cousin! Regardless of this, she is also kicking ass. Ellie recently lost 4 stone with the Cambridge Weight Plan, and is now working for them as a consultant to help others keep going when the going gets tough. She recently posted a screenshot of her Fitbit stats, which showed she’d done almost 20,000 steps, and I seriously have no idea how she managed to do that in one day! As someone who is carrying too much weight, and eating too much junk right now, I can’t help but look up to Ellie for making such an incredible change to her life. She tells me she feels better in all aspects, not just physically. I admire her greatly. If you’re in the Birmingham area, give her a shout!

Mandisa Mamba

Another bias (sorry!). My sister from another mister, Mandisa Mamba. She is beautiful, talented, strong and a fantastic mother to her son – My boys’ cousin Kenzo. She has raised him virtually all by herself, and he is the brightest, cleverest and most devious little man ever. She decided a few years ago that she wanted to pursue music as a career in Swaziland, and has worked tirelessly and with many obstacles to get to where she is today. She recently won Best R&B Artist at the 2018 MTN SWAMA Awards in Swaziland, and is still keeping on, writing and performing alongside her job as a mother. She really does kick some serious ass. She represents a large majority of women in Swaziland who no doubt look up to her for her determination and strength in her dreams to become a successful artist. Check out her music through the link, above.

So, even just these few women have made a massive impact on me and, most definitely, many others. Thank you all for what you have done for us mamas/women. You’re all amazing.

Happy International Women’s Day to you all!

NSG xxx

(Photo credit: Ian Macharia from Unsplash.com)

World Book Day

Parenting

I am a book lover, so is my partner. Therefore my children had no choice but to be book lovers themselves! We frequent the marvellous local libraries in our borough and we have a lot of books that we read over and over again. I wanted to use this opportunity to show you all our top five favourites (in alphabetical order, links to purchasing sites when you click on the titles)…

1. BURGLAR BILL by Janet & Allan Ahlberg

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One of our favourite books, namely because Mama loves doing the voices of Burglar Bill and Burglar Betty (Got to love a glottal stop, or seventeen!). And we love ‘Boglaboll’. Janet and Allan Ahlberg’s books were really popular when I was a child, and they always seem to get it right. Their stories are timeless, and this is one of the classics for sure.

2. CHARLIE & B by Helen Webster

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This book is very special to us. It was written by the mum of a very dear friend, who lives in Johannesburg. It is set in Swaziland, where my partner grew up and where Nathi was born. It reminds us of the wonderful landscape of the country and features some indiginous creatures like porcupines and caracals. It’s funny and gorgeous, and the illustrations by Jess Jardim-Wedenpohl really capture the beauty of Swaziland… and dogs!

3. THE GRUFFALO by Julia Donaldson

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Julia Donaldson never gets it wrong. Her stories are so easy to read, so entertaining and imaginative. The Gruffalo will be on many of your top-five lists, I’m sure. It’s a wonderful story with a very brave and courageous, and slightly cocky, protagonist!

4. POO BUM by Stephanie Blake

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I think this is my favourite children’s book ever. When I first read it, I howled with laughter. Originally written in French, with the title ‘Caca Boudin’ (which is wonderful, isn’t it), the book follows a young rabbit who can only say ‘Poo Bum’. So, when a wolf wants to eat him, he replies ‘Poo Bum’. He is then subsequently eaten by the wolf, who then becomes poorly and calls the doctor. I won’t spoil the last part of the story because you need to find out for yourselves, but I urge you to find a copy of this book asap.

5. THE TIGER WHO CAME TO TEA by Judith Kerr

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A childhood classic for generations and generations. I love this story because the family just seem to be OK about a tiger coming to tea. I admit I have never really understood the underlying message of the story… Is Sophie telling her daddy a story (which would seem plausible given the language of the writing)? Was it a story to cover up the fact that Sophie and her mum had a massive feast and ate everything in the house? Or is it simply a girl’s idea of what it would be like if a tiger did come to tea? Any suggestions welcome, and I’m sorry if I seem dense!

So, these are our top five. What are yours? Do you have any books that you read over and over again, to the point that you don’t actually need to physically read them anymore? I often read ‘Poo Bum’ to Khaya when we didn’t have the book, and I remembered it word-for-word. I also remember being in Cape Town with my partner’s cast mates and asking them all to take turns to read it in their own way. It was very entertaining! I think my partner reads it best. His wolf voice is perfect.

Happy World Book Day to you all, and I hope you have all had fun, not stress, getting your kids ready for the celebrations at school! Let’s all keep our libraries going by regularly visiting and borrowing books. Kindles are great, but you can’t beat a proper book, especially for children.

NSG xxx

Not So Pancake Day

Parenting

Just to be different/edgy/quirky, Pancake Day in the NSG household will be on Ash Wednesday. Mainly because neither of the boys finished their dinner last night, so I wasn’t going to give in and feed them sugar instead, despite their demands and tantrums! Sometimes it is so hard to mention these things to kids, as it completely affects their ability to do anything in the moment once they know something really exciting will happen soon. And, of course, they’re going to prefer a delicious chocolate-filled pancake rather than the (actually-rather-delicious) pie and mash that I made for their dinner.

I make pancakes quite often, thanks to an amazing recipe that I was given a while ago when cereal or porridge just wasn’t cutting it with my firstborn at breakfast time. Here is a link to the recipe I was given: 2-ingredient banana pancakes. In this recipe, they recommend many different options, and I have played around with different additions for ages. I think I have got it down now, and we love to eat them with plain Greek yoghurt and fresh blueberries or strawberries. Here is what I mix together for the pancake batter:

  • Bananas – Make sure they’re ripe to overripe.
  • Eggs (large) – Use one egg for every banana you use
  • Porridge oats (A sprinkle to thicken the batter a bit)
  • Milk (To thin it out again!) – You just need a splash or two
  • Cinnamon (Because everything should have cinnamon in it) – A pinch or two, depending on your taste
  • Raisins – Enough so that each pancake has about 5 or 6 raisins in it

Use a little butter for frying, and keep them small. I usually do about two or three in the pan at the same time. Serve them with the yoghurt and berries, and enjoy! Perhaps this may help one of you when your child refuses to eat their breakfast. If these don’t work, there is a wonderful website with many ideas for new and exciting meals for kids called My Lovely Little Lunchbox. Take a look for yourself.

Wishing everyone a Happy Ash Wednesday, and good luck if you’re giving something up for Lent this year.

NSG xxx

 

 

An Apology

Parenting

So, I have spent the whole morning editing and checking every single one of my fifteen blog posts, completely unaware that each time I updated the changes, I was actually posting the whole thing to each one of my social media sites! So, if you’re now completely sick of seeing my face popping up on your news feed, then this apology is for you.

If it is any consolation, it has been rather enlightening going back over the past two years of my motherhood and realising how far I have come. After many ups and downs, and many trips across the continents, I think things are beginning to settle down for me. I think I am doing a lot better at this parenting game/job/life now.

Thank you for supporting me with my blog, and for hopefully sticking by me after being bombarded with all of my old posts today.

NSG xxx

(Photo credit: Felix Koutchinski from Unsplash.com)

Mama Gon’ Write

Parenting
Yeah, Mama’s getting on with the creativity!

So, this is finally happening. I am getting my writing on. I have all of the resources I need, and no more excuses to put this off any longer. My confidence is growing and I am feeling more ‘on top’ of things than ever before. I really feel as though I’m getting my sh*t together at last. Perhaps it’s the sudden realisation that I’m entering the last year of my thirties… Or, maybe, it’s because things are starting to settle down for us as a family.

So, I have booked onto some courses online, thanks to the wonderful resources www.futurelearn.com and www.Alison.com, who both provide some great free online courses relating to the fields I am interested in (There is something for everyone, though). I want to learn more about the media and publishing industries, as well as brushing up on my grammar, proofreading and creative writing skills. I would really recommend these websites if you’re looking to train in a new area, or even for a hobby. I didn’t even know such a thing existed until a week or so ago!

I am also working on a novel, which I have wanted to write for a long time. It has gone through so many different guises, but I think I have the right story now. I am studying a Start Writing Fiction course in my spare time away from the boys, and it is teaching me how to read (as in ‘spy on’) people around me, and write good characters. I’ve already used an old lady we encountered in Sainsbury’s last week! I look forward to seeing what else this course can teach me.

So, here’s to a lot more of my words being published in 2019… I hope!

NSG xxx